


The Woman In Gold

by Trickster_Angel



Series: The Saga of the Woman in Gold [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (TV Movie 1996)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Episode: s01e13 The Parting of the Ways, Episode: s07e10 Hide, Episode: s07e14 The Name of the Doctor, I make the Doctor feel like a terrible person, Multi, There's a canon divergence at one point that affects the Doctor's entire timeline, all the feels, references to Torchwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-16 08:32:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1338856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster_Angel/pseuds/Trickster_Angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every companion sees her. The woman in gold stays in the TARDIS and watches them as they travel with the Doctor. They don't know why she's there or who she is but there are several things they know for sure.</p><p>She is always there to help them.</p><p>She is never violent or untrustworthy.</p><p>She is in love with the Doctor.</p><p>And the Doctor doesn't know she exists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Companions

**Author's Note:**

> As described in the tags, there is one event that diverges from canon but it affects the Doctor's timeline. Certain events don't happen because of this changed event. The War Doctor doesn't exist. The meta-crisis Doctor doesn't exist. The companions make non-canonical choices and what happens to them strays from canon. Basically, this story is as timey-wimey as the show itself. Proceed with caution.

She’s still tense. They haven’t gotten away yet and every second they waste is another second where they can be caught. Her grandfather is at the controls staring at it as if it’s completely foreign to him. If the guards show up before they’re gone, their adventure will be over before it’s begun.

Susan looks away for a moment, glancing quickly at the door, then back to the console, “Grandfa-”.  The Doctor looks at her, slightly puzzled as to why she stopped speaking. But Susan isn’t looking at him. She’s looking at the woman standing next to him. She definitely hadn’t been there when they came inside. She had just appeared out of thin air.

This woman is beautiful. It is the first thing Susan notices about her. She is absolutely stunning. Her hair is short, wavy, and golden. Her eyes glow gold and she wears a long shimmering golden dress. 

“Yes Susan?” the Doctor asks but before Susan can speak, the woman puts a finger to her lips and shakes her head slightly.  

“We should hurry,” Susan recovers and goes to her grandfather’s side, trying her best to ignore the women staring at them.

When Susan looks back, she realizes the woman isn’t staring at them both. She’s only looking at the Doctor.

***

At the first opportunity when the Doctor isn't looking, Barbara pulls Susan aside. Ian immediately sees and joins them.

“Who is she?” is all she has to ask for everyone to understand. As soon as Barbara had entered the TARDIS on that first day she had seen the woman in gold. The woman does not do much, just stands in the corner and watches the Doctor. Even though she’s quiet, it’s more than a little unnerving.

“I don’t know,” Susan replies, “She’s always been here. But she’s never done anything bad. She just watches.”

“Why is she here?” Ian asks.

“I don’t know. I’ve never talked to her. She once told me not to mention her to Grandfather but that was all. She’s never said anything since.”

“Should we be worried?” Barbara inquires.

“Probably not. She hasn’t done anything. I think she’s just lonely.”

“Should we tell the Doctor?” Ian questions.

“She asked me not to. I don’t think she’d say that without a good reason.” Barbara and Ian exchange an incredulous glance but agree to remain silent.

When they go back to the control room, the woman is smiling brightly at them as if she is thanking them for their trust and their silence.

***

Turlough and Tegan bring the Doctor inside the TARDIS as per his request, both unaware of what is happening. The Doctor himself is barely conscious, leaving the two companions confused and frustrated. The woman is sitting in her usual corner but when they bring the Doctor inside, she immediately stands. She has a worried look on her face and Tegan notices that she’s dressed differently.  She normally wears a long gold dress but now she’s wearing black pants and a red sweatshirt. Her normally wavy hair is completely straight. Some of it falls in her still glowing eyes.

She rushes to the Doctor’s side, kneeling down next to him. As close as the woman gets, Tegan notices that she does not attempt to touch the Doctor.

“What’s happening?” Tegan asks Turlough and the woman. The woman looks so worried. Then she gets a look of shock on her face. She smiles.

“Can you help him?” Tegan asks. The woman nods. She gets up and brings up several images on the monitor. The first is of an old man with long white hair and a young woman by his side. The next is of two older men. The last is of another old man with curly white hair and a woman with curly brown hair. Tegan recognizes the Brigadier but none of the others.

“Brigadier?” she asks, “Who’s with him? Who are the other people?” The woman points to the Doctor.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Turlough says but Tegan understands.

“They’re him.” The woman nods.

“If we bring them here he’ll be okay?” She nods again.

“I’m going to find them,” Tegan says, about to leave the TARDIS when Turlough stops her.

“What if it’s a trap?” he asks.

“It could be our only chance to save him,” Tegan replies and leaves. Turlough stays for a second and looks back at the Doctor. He’s still unconscious and the woman is at his side again. She looks at him with such tenderness that he can’t help but to trust her. Turlough can’t believe she would do something to hurt the Doctor. He follows Tegan outside.

***

The inside of the Police Box is amazing. To Lee, it looks like a combination of a space ship and a home. There is a front room that reminds him of a living room or something. There is an ornate rug on the floor near a fireplace. Next to that is a large bookshelf. There is a chair, and a small table next to it. A book lies on the table, barely begun.

“Hello?” he calls but no one replies. In the middle of the room is what appears to be a control panel. Lee walks closer. There are several switches and buttons.

He hears a noise and calls out, “Who’s there?”

He sees a man wearing sunglasses, despite the dark interior. Behind him is a woman. She has wavy blonde hair and glowing gold eyes. She’s wearing a long golden dress as if she’s going to a party. She’s beautiful.

Lee can tell she’s scared but when her glowing eyes settle on him, she immediately relaxes and smiles at him.

“Lee, Chang Lee, that’s your name isn’t it?” the man, Bruce, Lee recognizes him now, says. Lee leans against the railing surrounding the controls. Immediately, the buttons start flashing and the control panel springs to life.

“Well I never,” Bruce says, “The TARDIS really likes you.” The woman walks around Bruce and comes to stand next to Lee. She has a small smile on her face. She mouths something at Lee which he doesn’t understand. When she finishes, she pauses for a second and adds a word he recognizes, “Please?”

“What are you talking about?” he asks her, then turns his head towards the man, “Bruce?”

“That’s not my name,” he says, “I am the Master.”

The woman is speaking quickly now but she doesn’t say anything.

“What are you saying?” Lee asks her.

“Who are you talking to?” the Master asks, “Is it the woman in gold?”

The woman is franticly begging Lee not to say anything but he’s curious.

“Yeah,” Lee replies, “Who is she?”

“She’s a demon who lives inside the TARDIS. She’s responsible for the Doctor stealing my body.”

“What?” Lee asks. The woman is shaking her head and mouthing “No.”

“This is Bruce’s body,” the Master explains, “And I am merely inside his body. The Doctor has my real body. He stole it from me and she helped him do it. I will die if I don’t get it back. And you’re going to help me.”

“Help me,” the woman mouths.

“Let me show you something,” the Master says. He shows Lee the wonders of the TARDIS, gesturing at the grandness of the interior and bragging about its uniqueness. Lee notices the woman following them.

“Lee please,” she says. She points to the Master and then points at the door. Lee finally understands. She wants him out of the TARDIS.

When they stop and the Master tells Lee his plan, Lee is distracted by the woman. She’s shaking her head. Lee can see glowing tears fall down her face. “Please,” she says.

“Don’t listen to her,” the Master snaps, drawing Lee’s attention back to him. “She’s very good at manipulation. It’s for the best that she doesn’t talk.”

“Why doesn’t she?” Lee asks.

“It’s her punishment for what was done to me. It’s so she can’t trick anyone else the way she fooled me.”

“No,” she says. She’s shaking her head, “No.”

Lee glances at the woman one last time. “What do you need me to do?”

“We’re going to find the Doctor.”

***

The TARDIS shakes as it powers up to open the rift. Jack disconnects the board but the power continues to build. He doesn’t know what to do and attempts to throw switches and levers in hopes that something will happen. Nothing does.

The woman is standing on the other side of the TARDIS, leaning on the console. Normally, the woman looks very composed but now she looks sick.

“Are you okay?” he asks and watches as she collapses.

He rushes to her side but the woman is unconscious when he arrives.  He’s surprised to see that her appearance changed. Instead of the gold dress, she’s wearing a red sweatshirt and black pants. Her hair is completely straight.

She has red burn marks on her face. Looking at her hands, he sees the marks are there too.

“Whoa,” he whispers. He’d never seen the woman leave the TARDIS and had guessed she was connected to it somehow. The burn marks only confirm his theory.

The Doctor comes back onboard and Jack goes to his side. The Doctor doesn’t know she exists so it’d seem weird to remain near her. The woman hasn’t recovered yet but she won’t do any better if they don’t do something.

***

River only has a few moments. The Doctor doesn’t know she’s here. He’s off running around doing something fun. Probably getting himself in trouble.

She walks into the TARDIS, saying, “I know you’re here.” From behind the console, the woman with the gold hair appears, fingers skimming the railing as she walks towards the Doctor’s wife.

She’s still dressed in gold, her hair wavy and beautiful. She looks concerned but still doesn’t say anything. She hasn’t said anything at all since the first time River had stepped into the TARDIS.

“Who are you?” River asks.  The woman looks desperate to respond. “Can you talk?” The woman slowly shakes her head. That’s her sole form of communication: her body language. Sometimes it can be as descriptive as it can be vague.

“You’re Rose Tyler,” River says but her tone implies that she’s asking a question. The woman isn’t smiling but doesn’t appear to be upset. Instead, she’s pensive, as if the word she’s looking for is on the tip of her tongue. She makes a gesture, as if to say ‘somewhat’. She runs her hand along a braid on the side of her head. At the end of the braid is a string with a charm on it. For the first time, River reads it. The charm says BAD WOLF.

“You’re Rose and the Bad Wolf?” River asks and she nods. She lays a hand on the console as well, looking at it and then back to River.

“And the TARDIS?” A quick nod.

“Rose, why are you still here?” She opens her mouth to speak, then bites her lip. She can’t say anything as she has no voice.  But there’s something that she wants to say.

“How did you get here?” She looks down but doesn’t attempt to respond otherwise.

“Did you know that Rose Tyler died?” She nods quickly without looking up.  

“You know that she absorbed the time vortex energy and became the Bad Wolf. And for her actions she was absorbed back into the heart of the TARDIS. And you are her.”

“I know,” she mouths at River, nodding.  She looks as if she is about to cry. Her glowing gold eyes are filling with glowing gold tears.

The woman looks down and extends her arms outwards, as if she is presenting herself. River watches as her glittering gold dress morphs into black pants and a red sweatshirt.  Her wavy hair turns pin straight. She looks back up and mouths something that River can’t quite identify. She catches what she thinks might be “Bad Wolf,” but she can’t be sure.  

“Can you leave?” The woman shakes her head.

“Why did you choose this life? You must have known the consequences.” The woman taps the console again. Her eyes glow brighter. But River doesn’t understand.

A golden tear runs down the woman’s face.

“Why are you always here? You’re always watching him. Why?”

At that moment, the TARDIS door opens and the Doctor comes inside. The woman smiles, as if welcoming him back. The Doctor’s smile fades as he sees his wife. “River? What are you doing here?”

“Hello sweetie,” River says as if she isn’t completely busted, “Came for a chat.  Going on an expedition. There’s an entire planet that’s a library. I know you’d love it.”

The Doctor walks towards the console with a little less than his usual enthusiasm and the woman follows him. River realizes that she doesn’t need to ask why she’s around. Rose’s love for the Doctor is strong and the TARDIS’s love for him matches hers. Together, they’ve found a way to protect him as best they can: a physical manifestation.  She helps from the shadows and guides the companions.  And the Doctor is none the wiser. Rose made her choice to protect the Doctor.

The Doctor decides to show River around a bit, taking her on a few adventures and she doesn’t mind; they have nothing if not time. The woman’s watching them from her usual corner, her smile bright. River wonders if she’s the first person to ask about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will have 6 parts. I will post a chapter a week until it is completed.


	2. Clara

 Clara stands in the hall, trying her best to remain out of the Doctor’s sight while still trying to find his TARDIS. It is not an easy feat. Once she sees him approaching one, she walks out. 

“Doctor,” she calls, following behind the old man.

The man turns towards her, slightly wary but he seems interested. “Yes what is it?” he asks, “What do you want?”

“Sorry. But you’re about to make a very big mistake.” She is sure. His TARDIS is the one right next to her. That is it.

“Don’t steal that one,” she says, but is forced to pause. In between her and the Doctor is another TARDIS. The door is slightly ajar and there is a woman standing just inside.  She has golden blond hair and wears a golden dress. The woman smiles at her and brings her hand to the TARDIS and taps it. 

“Steal this one,” Clara continues, knowing that the woman is right. She walks forward to indicate which TARDIS she means. “The navigation system’s knackered, but you’ll have much more fun.”

“Who are you?” The Doctor asks.

“A friend,” she replies.

“Grandfather!” Susan’s voice calls out. Clara takes the opportunity to leave, but not before the woman catches Clara’s eyes and smiles at her.

Clara has lived a thousand times. She’s born. She lives. She dies. She’s always running. She always sees the Doctor. He’s not always in the same body but she knows it’s him. She saves him over and over again. Sometimes he doesn’t know she’s there but at least one person always does. Because no matter where Clara is, no matter what form the Doctor wears, no matter what planet they’re on, time period they’re in, or who is following him, the woman in gold always whispers her thanks to Clara when they meet. Because no matter where Clara is, no matter what form the Doctor wears, no matter what planet they’re on, time period they’re in, or who is following him, she’s always there, watching over the TARDIS and the Doctor.

***

Every time Clara walks into the TARDIS, the door swings open to let her inside. The woman in gold waits for her, smiling as if greeting an old friend for the first time in years. Clara doesn’t understand her enthusiasm. She’d ask her, but the Doctor doesn’t know about her and the woman has begged Clara not to mention her to him.

Sometimes she waits until the Doctor is distracted and then tries to ask questions.

“Who are you?”

“Why are you here?”

“Why do you look at me like we’re old friends?”

The woman always attempts to answer her, but she doesn’t have a voice. Clara doesn’t always understand the gestures she uses and what she’s saying. She often ends up with more questions than answers.

***

“The TARDIS likes you,” the Doctor says as he watches the doors open for Clara.

“Does she always do this?” Clara asks because the woman hasn’t given her a straightforward answer yet.

“She doesn’t attack anyone, if that’s what you’re asking,” he explains, “But no, she doesn’t really. She’s nice to everyone but not like this. She really likes you. She liked Jack too, actually.”

The woman in gold is in a corner. As soon as Jack’s name is mentioned, she smiles. Her eyes go slightly out of focus, as if she’s recalling a fond memory.

“Who’s Jack?”

“Someone who traveled with me a long time ago.”

While curious, Clara doesn’t press for more information and the Doctor doesn’t give her any. He just rambles on about the next place they’re going to completely oblivious to the woman, who is coming closer. She looks at him like he holds the world’s secrets and she’s dying to learn them. Clara’s seen that face before.  Her parents wore the same expressions before her mother’s death. That’s love.

The woman turns to Clara and smiles at her. Clara is so confused. She hasn’t done anything but this woman clearly loves her already. The woman doesn’t speak so whatever the reason, she can’t tell Clara. And playing a guessing game is ridiculous. Clara smiles awkwardly at her. “What are you staring at?” the Doctor asks her curiously.

Clara drops the expression. “Nothing.”

“Well come on, we haven’t got all day.” He rushes towards the doors of the TARDIS. Clara quickly follows. Before leaving, she turns back. The woman is leaning on the console. She looks sad to see them go.

“What is it?” Clara asks. The woman says something but Clara can’t make it out. “What?”

“Clara?” the Doctor calls.

“Coming,” she replies.

“Go,” the woman says and Clara follows the Doctor out.

***

Why couldn’t the Doctor have saved Hila Tacorien and himself in one go?  Because now he is trapped in a pocket universe and Emma can’t bring him back. So Clara goes to the TARDIS to beg for help.

Once outside, the TARDIS door opens and the woman is standing in the doorway. She has a grim expression on her face, as if she knows what happened.

“Please I need your help.  The Doctor is trapped in a pocket universe,” she explains quickly, “We need to help him.” The woman’s expression softens to one of concern, but she doesn’t reply.

“Can’t you do it?” Clara demands and the woman pauses, as if searching for the right words.

“No,” she finally says but points at Clara, “You can.”

“Me?”

She nods.  

The woman steps to the side to allow Clara inside. She is smiling now, seemingly ready for the adventure.

“Let’s save him,” Clara says and the woman nods.

The woman mouths something very slowly so Clara can read her lips. She thinks she says, “You can save him.”

“Yeah. That’s what we’re doing now.”

“No. Every time.” Clara doesn’t understand.

***

The inside of the giant TARDIS is overgrown. Vines hang everywhere like on an abandoned building. Nature reclaiming what once belonged to it. It seems so wrong that they should be in the TARDIS.

In the middle of the TARDIS, where the console used to be, is a bright white light. It reminds Clara of lightning.

“What is that?” she asks.

Her question remains unanswered as the Doctor addresses Doctor Simeon instead, “What were you expecting a body? Bodies are boring. I've had loads of them. Nah, that's not what my tomb is for.”

Vastra, Jenny, and Strax start commenting as well but Clara wants answers, “Doctor, explain. What is that?” Out of the corner of her eye, Clara sees movement. It’s not Doctor Simeon, or his creatures. It’s not the Doctor or Vastra or Jenny or Strax. It’s the woman in gold if Clara can even call her than anymore. Her eyes still glow gold but she looks different. She isn’t wearing the gold dress anymore. Just a red sweatshirt and black pants as if she were any other normal woman. Her blond hair is straight. There is a braid in her hair and Clara can still see a charm attached to it.  There's writing but Clara can't read it from a distance. The woman is leaning against the railing, watching as the events unfold. She looks miserable. There are the streaks of tears down her face. They glow gold like her eyes.

“The tracks of my tears,” the Doctor says. Another one falls down the woman’s face as he speaks. She looks at him as if she hasn’t seen him in years. Her expression is one of love and misery. How long has the Doctor been dead? How long has she been alone?

“Less poetry, Doctor. Just tell them,” Doctor Simeon demands.

“Time travel is damage,” the Doctor explains, “It's like a tear in the fabric of reality. That is the scar tissue of my journey through the universe. My path through time and space from Gallifrey to Trenzalore.” The Doctor pulls out his sonic screwdriver and aims it at the light. Immediately, Clara can hear several voices. She doesn’t recognize them but the woman does. She sits up with an expression of surprise on her face. She closes her eyes and squeezes them shut. Another tear falls.

“My own personal time tunnel,” the Doctor continues, “All the days, even the ones that I, er,” the Doctor becomes unsteady on his feet, “Even the ones that I haven't lived yet.” He collapses.

“Doctor. Doctor!” Clara runs to his side. The woman hasn’t moved at all. Another tear falls as she meets Clara’s eyes, shaking her head slightly. Clara doesn’t understand.

“Which is why I shouldn't be here. The paradoxes. It's very bad,” The Doctor says.

Doctor Simeon gets a determined look on his face as he walks towards the light.

“No. No. No,” The Doctor begs, “What are you doing? Somebody stop him!” No one moves. Another golden tear falls. The woman knows what’s coming. It’s written all over her face.

“The Doctor's life is an open wound,” Doctor Simeon muses, “And an open wound can be entered.” He turns back to the Doctor, who remains on the ground.

“No, it would destroy you.”

“Not at all. It will kill me. It will destroy you. I can rewrite your every living moment.” Clara looks at the man. She cannot comprehend his bitterness. “I can turn every one of your victories into defeats. Poison every friendship. Deliver pain to your every breath.”

“It will burn you up. Once you go through, you can't come back. You will be scattered along my timeline like confetti.”

“It matters not, Doctor. You thwarted me at every turn. Now you will give me peace, as I take my revenge on every second of your life.” The Doctor shakes his head, as if saying ‘no’ will change Doctor Simeon’s mind.  “Goodbye, Doctor.”

Doctor Simeon walks backwards into the light and disappears. The whisper men disappear with him. The TARDIS shakes and Clara watches as the woman screams silently.  She’s doubled over, clutching her heart. Clara cannot image how much pain she must be in.

Doctor Simeon races through the Doctor’s timeline and destroys him, one event at a time. He’s screaming in pain and writhing on the floor. Clara begins to cry.

“What's wrong with him? What's happening?” Clara demands. The Doctor continues to scream.

“He's being rewritten,” Vastra explains, “Simeon is attacking his entire timeline. He's dying all at once. The Dalek Asylum. Androzani.

“What did you say?” Clara asks surprisingly calmly, “Did you say the Dalek Asylum?” The woman nods to her. She’s still crying.

“Now he's dying in London, with us.”

“It is done,” Doctor Simeon’s voice echoes throughout the TARDIS.  Clara watches as the bright light turns red. The Doctor is still screaming.

“Oh, dear Goddess,” Vastra whispers.

“What’s wrong?” Jenny asks.

“A universe without the Doctor. There will be consequences.” Vastra pauses, “Jenny, with me.” Her wife follows without question.  Strax goes with them. Clara, the woman, and the Doctor are alone.

“The Dalek Asylum. You said it was me that saved you. How? Victorian London. How, how could I have been in Victorian London?” Clara asks. The Doctor’s breath hitches as he inhales. He’s in a tremendous amount of pain.

“No. Please, stop. My life, my whole life is burning.”

Clara looks at the Doctor and then at the woman. She’s still crying but stands for the first time. Slowly, she walks to the light. She gestures her head towards it and then nods at Clara.

She understands. “I have to go in there.”

“Please,” the Doctor says weakly, “Please, no.” The woman nods again as another tear falls.

“But this is what I've already done. You've already seen me do it. I'm the Impossible Woman, and this is why. If I step inside, I’ll become a million echoes. And those echoes can save the Doctor right?” The woman nods.

“It's like my mum said,” she muses, “The soufflé isn't the soufflé, the soufflé is the recipe.” The woman smiles at her.

“Well, how about that? I'm soufflé girl after all.” She and the woman share a brief laugh.

“No. Please,” the Doctor says. Clara thought he’d fallen unconscious.

 “I’m sorry,” the woman mouths.

“It’s not your fault,” Clara replies, “Keep him safe.” The woman nods. Another tear falls down her cheek, leaving a glowing gold path on her face. Clara can read the charm in her hair. It says BAD WOLF. 

 “If this works, get out of here as fast as you can. And spare me a thought now and then.” She isn’t afraid. She knows that it works because he has seen her before. She’ll be ripped to pieces but those pieces will save him and the Doctor will live. That’s what matters.

She can hear the Doctor moving behind her. “No. Clara.”

Clara stops before the light and looks at the woman. The woman mouths, “Thank you.”  Clara nods to her. She is smiling but she’s still crying.

Turning back to the Doctor, she says, “In fact, you know what? Run. Run, you clever boy, and remember me.”  As the Doctor calls her name, she runs into the light.

***

Clara remembers everything. She is torn apart and every piece of her lives her own life. She can see them all as she falls through the Doctor’s timeline. She watches the Doctors run, lifetime after lifetime. She’s running with him. She’s always running to save the Doctor again and again and again.  And he hardly ever hears her. But she’ll always be there. 

***

Clara is the impossible woman.  _She_ is the woman in gold. They have the same goal; they’ll do whatever it takes to save the Doctor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished. Thanks to wynnebat for helping smooth out a plot point. See you next Wednesday.


	3. Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're in the mood to listen to music as you read this, I highly recommend "All of Me" by John Legend or "Skinny Love" by Birdy. Both were instrumental in writing this chapter and this fic in general.

In her eyes, Rose’s life was worthless before she met the Doctor.  She was no one who would ever make an impact on the world. Her uselessness consumed her until the brilliant man came and swept her off her feet. 

“Run.”

Her Doctor.

***

Rose’s first time on the TARDIS she nearly screams. The Doctor is watching her and her horror must have translated to her face because his smile falls away and he asks, “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong is that she’s standing in the doorway and she sees another woman standing next to the Doctor. A woman with wavy blond hair and a gold dress that catches the light so that she looks like she’s glowing. A woman who looks exactly like her. Her eyes are glowing gold.

The woman appears just as surprised to see Rose as she is.

“Doctor, who-?” Rose’s question falls flat as the woman puts a finger to her lips and shakes her head. The message is obvious but Rose is so confused and she doesn’t want to obey. She wants answers.

“Rose?” Rose turns back to the Doctor. He’s concerned. It’s written all over his face. “What’s wrong?”

Now he’s sad and maybe a bit disappointed.  The woman looks sadly at the floor. Rose watches as she meets her eyes again and repeats the same gesture, finger to her lips and a slight head shake.

“Who could make tech like this?” Rose says very slowly, picking a new word after the previous one leaves her lips. She turns to look at him as she speaks.

The woman mouths “thank you”.  Rose nods as little as she can so the Doctor won’t notice. He doesn’t and rambles on about his race and how amazing their technology is. The woman is leaning against the console and even when the Doctor brushes against her, he seems oblivious to her presence.

Rose watches him as he goes, talking quickly about where they can go and what they can see.  But his enthusiasm is gone. He’s much quieter, still busy chattering away but they both know the mood is spoiled.

Rose tries to keep her focus on the Doctor but it’s difficult. As much as she tries to ignore the woman, it’s more than a little unsettling as she and the woman are perfect twins. She wishes she had an explanation but she can’t even imagine why the woman looks just like her.

***

Jack sees the woman too. Rose asks him who she is, but he doesn’t know.

“Do all TARDISes have her?” she asks.

“I’ve only ever been on one TARDIS,” he replies.

“Well what about in the future? Have you ever seen her?”

“Rose I see her every time I’m in the TARDIS or I look at you. I don’t know who she is or why she looks like you.”

Rose sighs. “That makes two of us.”

***

It’s all a trick. The Doctor tricked her to save her. She understands why. But it isn’t fair! She needs to be with him. How can he sacrifice himself like that?

“Go back!” Rose is screaming at the TARDIS and as soon as the woman appears, Rose turns on her. “Who are you?! Why are you here?! Take me back!”

The woman looks sad, eyes downcast on the floor and Rose doesn’t understand. For the first time, Rose notices that the string that holds her braid together has a little charm attached to it. It says BAD WOLF.

“You don’t leave the TARDIS. Aren’t you part of it?”

The woman turns away from Rose just as the TARDIS stops. It’s no surprise at all to see present day London outside. She’s not even surprised when Mickey starts running towards her.

He’s glad she’s back but she knew that. What she wants is to not be trapped back here in her monotonous life again.

***

Mickey’s talking but Rose isn’t paying much attention. She can’t imagine a life outside the Doctor anymore.  What he’s saying can’t even compute anymore. The Doctor is going to die, Rose is going to have to live as if she never met him and she can’t think of anything else.

She glances to the chalk words in the lot, spelling it out in her head. B, A, D, W, O, L, F. That’s when it all clicks.

“The bad wolf scenario.”

Bad Wolf TV

Schlechter Wolf

Bad Wolf One

Blaidd Drwg

Bad Wolf Corporation

The BAD WOLF charm the woman wears in her hair.

Rose runs back to the TARDIS, Mickey tailing her as she goes.

As she unlocks the door he asks, “Rose, what’s going on?”

“Bad Wolf,” she replies as the door opens. The woman is inside, standing by the console looking knowingly at Rose.

“Bad Wolf,” she says again and the woman nods. Her glowing gold eyes shine a little brighter after Rose says the words.

“I know how to get back,” Rose says.

All she needs to do is connect to the TARDIS. But where that bright light was before, the woman stands now, guarding it as if her life depends on it.

“Please,” Rose says, “I need to get back and this is the only way. I just need to tell the TARDIS where to go. She tries to pry it open but the woman holds it shut and Rose can’t budge it. When she gives up, the woman remains stationary, guarding that part of the TARDIS.

“Why won’t you let me go back?” Rose demands but the woman doesn’t respond.  

***

The woman is very strong. Even though she doesn’t have a physical body, she’s still far stronger than Mickey’s car. The chain is ready to snap and the woman doesn’t even seem to be exerting any effort.

“Who are you?” Rose asks again, as if she hasn’t asked so many times already only to be denied an answer. The woman ignores her still, all of her concentration on keeping Rose out.

***

Rose wasn’t expecting her mother to be so helpful. She can’t really thank her enough.

When Rose returns to the TARDIS, the woman stands near the console. She isn’t keeping that part of the TARDIS closed anymore.

With Mickey in the vehicle outside, Rose is alone with the woman.

“Who are you?” Rose asks. In response, the woman walks back to the console and lays a hand on the area they’re trying to rip apart. As soon as she touches it, her glittering gold dress fades away and is replaced with a red sweatshirt, white tank top, and black pants.  Her wavy braided hair becomes pin straight and Rose understands.

The console opens and a white light engulfs Rose.

The Heart of the TARDIS is blindingly bright but she has never seen clearer.   All the knowledge of the universe pours into her head and she understands. All the words that have been scattered across the universe finally make sense.

The TARDIS doors slam open and there he is, her Doctor, surrounded by daleks, but seemingly unaware of the danger he is in. He elects to stare at the TARDIS, stare at her, and he falls over in surprise. Rose steps forward until she reaches the Doctor.

The daleks aren’t shooting. No one is talking. They’re all standing in awe of her.

“What have you done?” He’s horrified.  Rose didn’t know what to expect. Maybe fear, maybe horror, she doesn’t know.

“I looked into the TARDIS, and the TARDIS looked into me.” At this moment, Rose realizes that she is crying.

“You looked into the Time Vortex. Rose, no one’s meant to see that.” But Margaret Blaine, the Slitheen that wore her skin, she looked into the Time Vortex too. She didn’t die. Rose won’t either. She wonders if it’s supposed to hurt as much as it does.

“This is the abomination,” the emperor Dalek says, followed by the dalek’s chorusing, “Exterminate!” One tries to fire at her but she easily deflects the beam. Now she has everyone scared.

“I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” They’ve reached the end of the puzzle. This is why BAD WOLF has been following them all this time.

“Rose, you’ve got to stop this. You’ve got to stop this now. You’ve got the entire vortex running through your head. You’re gonna burn!” As powerful as she is, he still worries. It’s laughable. She can feel the vortex as it swirls in her mind, showing her the universe as she stands before the Doctor. She can create and destroy. She is all-powerful.

She can see everything but her eyes feel like they will burn out of her sockets.

“I want you safe. My Doctor.” He looks at her as if she is insane. “Protected from the false god.” Because she cannot let him die. _Her head…._

 _“_ You cannot hurt me. I am immortal.”

“You are tiny.” Everything is so tiny. Her life before all this was nothing. Nothing at all. She’d live, she’d travel with the Doctor, she’d watch him change, she’s leave him. It’s nothing compared to everything she is now. “I can see the whole of time and space. Every single atom of your existence and I divide them.” 

When Rose was young, she’d watch shows where all the hero had to do was lift their hand and their powers would take over and do as they wish. Reality is the same way. Rose lifts her arms and the daleks start to dissolve in a gold light.

“Everything must come to dust. All things, everything dies. The Time War ends.” She can see the end of Earth, the end of the universe.  She watches the end of the Time War. She watches the explosion that consumes Gallifrey. She watches the end of him. It’s so soon. He doesn’t have much time at all. This Doctor will be dead within minutes.

“I will not die. I cannot die!” The pathetic dalek shrieks as he and his army are destroyed. Rose brings her arms down and the destruction ends. She and the Doctor are alone.

“Rose you’ve done it. Now stop. Just let go.”

“How can I let go of this?” Somewhere on the satellite, Jack’s body is turning cold.  “I bring life.” She can feel his heart beating again; can hear his lungs draw in air. She sees a man in Cardiff.  For a brief moment, they will make each other very happy. _Her head is…._

“But this is wrong! You can’t control life and death!”

“But I can.” How can he say that to her when he does the same? He controlled the lives and deaths of all the Time Lords and the daleks. Gallifrey is exploding before her eyes and she can see the Moment. It looks like her.

Her eyes are melting and take on the form of her tears. They scald her skin as they run down her face.

“The sun and the moon, the day and night, but why do they hurt?” As beautiful as this power is, Rose realizes that she is not in control. Rose is being dissolved. She is becoming part of the TARDIS and she can’t stop it. She knows now why the woman in gold looks likes her. They are the same. The woman in gold made the choice Rose is making now. That is her future.

“The power’s gonna kill you and it’s my fault.”

“No,” she says, “This is my choice. I will always make this choice. Rose Tyler is the Bad Wolf.” She looks at the sign that bears her new name. Bad Wolf Corporation.

“I take the words,” Rose lifts her hand and watches as the letters move away, “I scatter them in time and space. A message to lead myself here. I will become Bad Wolf again.”

 Rose doesn’t blame him. She only wishes that she had known the truth earlier. But even he didn’t know. Hundreds of years and so many companions but he never figured it out. No one explained it to him.

But that’s because she asked them not to. Every companion she had to silence. It was better for him. He knows of the protection the TARDIS gives him. He knows of its love. That is all he needs. He would hurt unnecessarily if he knew she existed, invisible to his eyes.

“I can see everything. All that is, all that was, all that never could be.”  She watches as she is trapped in a parallel universe. She weeps as she pounds on the white wall. The one place where the Doctor cannot touch her. That is her alternative. It’s unfair and cruel that these are her choices. Rose Tyler doesn’t have a happy ending.

The Doctor steps forward and wraps his hands around hers. It’s a distraction from the pain. A thousand could-have-beens, a thousand pasts, a thousand lifetimes run in her head simultaneously and she would scream in agony if she could.

 “My head is killing me!”Every lifetime she could have had with him flashes before her eyes. She knows she can back out still. Part of her wants the Doctor to save her. He can end the pain. She can live in freedom. She can travel with him. But not forever. A white wall is what awaits that choice. A lifetime without the Doctor. The other part of her knows the one way she can be with the Doctor forever. His graveyard will be hers. She will never have to live without him.

The Doctor puts his hand on the side of her head as he says, “I think you need a Doctor.” His fingers gently capture a strand of hair and as they run down, Rose notices that it’s a braid that wasn’t there before. As his fingers slip away, she sees a string holding the braid together with a charm on it. She doesn’t need to read it; she knows what it says.

Rose looked at him sadly. She is still crying, her golden tears running down her face. She knows what will happen if he takes the energy from her.

As he steps forward to kiss her, she backs away.

“I _will_ keep you safe,” she says, stepping backwards, “I will keep you safe forever, Doctor.” She walks back until she is in the TARDIS.

“Don’t forget me.” Her voice breaks on the words.

“Rose no!” he screams and the TARDIS doors slam close, trapping Rose inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to change the story a bit. The first story, The Woman in Gold, tells the story of how the woman in gold came to be and how people react to her. I will be following this with other stories set in this universe. I have two stories written and have loose plans for two more. We'll see about those two but there'll at least be three stories. See you next Wednesday with the conclusion of The Woman in Gold.
> 
> *Edit: 4/9/14 So last weekend I was sick (I'm much better now thanks) and I fell a bit behind on my homework so now I gotta play catch-up. Chapter 4 still needs a huge amount of editing that I haven't had the chance to do yet so it's going to be late. I'll try to get it posted sometime this week but the latest date will be next Wednesday. Sorry for the delay.


	4. The Doctor

When he’s alone, sometimes the Doctor laughs. The naïveté of his companions amuses him sometimes. They think he can’t hear them talk in hushed tones when they think he isn’t listening. But he listens. And he knows.

He knows about the figure that haunts the TARDIS.  He can’t see her so he doesn’t know who she is but the companions have given her a name. The woman in gold. They all call her that. From Susan to Danny that is the name they call her by.

But he doesn’t know what that means or who that refers too. He doesn’t ask them what she looks like. No one ever mentions her to him. Everything he knows about her is from eavesdropping on them or a startled first reaction. More than one companion has looked at empty space and screamed in surprise. He always asks and watches as they backpedal as fast as they can.

Every single time. 

There hasn’t been one companion who wasn’t surprised by her as soon as they came on the TARDIS. He always thought the companions would marvel at how his TARDIS was bigger on the inside. He’d surprise them with the Gallifreyan technology. But they never paid attention to the TARDIS. They paid attention to her. And they were shocked. They screamed. Introducing them to the TARDIS became a chore of comforting them. It got to a point where he had to fake the enthusiasm of showing the TARDIS off.  He hates that everyone’s first reaction is fear of something invisible to him.

***

He doesn’t know who the woman in gold is. He doesn’t know what she looks like. But he ventures a guess as soon as Rose steps out of the TARDIS, gold light swirling around her as if she is a goddess.  He falls over in surprise. Of everything, he wasn’t expecting this. He didn’t expect a woman with golden hair to walk out of the TARDIS, surrounded by gold that rushes into the room around her. The Doctor hadn’t realized just how much power the TARDIS had that Rose could take.

“What have you done?” Rose couldn’t have understood the consequences. She would never have made that choice if she did.

“I looked into the TARDIS, and the TARDIS looked into me.” Rose starts crying.  

“You looked into the Time Vortex. Rose, no one’s meant to see that.” He tries to imagine what her head must feel like at that moment. All the TARDIS’s information is in her mind and she must be in excruciating pain.  He wonders how she even manages to stand up.

“This is the abomination,” the emperor Dalek says. In reply, the daleks yell, “Exterminate!”The Doctor panics for a second but watches as Rose stops the attack. She’s terrifying and beautiful.

“I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” It made sense. All this time, they’d been building up to this moment. The moment when Rose would choose to endanger herself to come back to him.

 _“_ Rose, you’ve got to stop this. You’ve got to stop this now. You’ve got the entire vortex running through your head. You’re gonna burn!” She still stands, proud and triumphant.  Her eyes glow gold like the Time Vortex.

“I want you safe. My Doctor.” How the tables have turned. He’s sworn to protect her and now she’s guarding him.  “Protected from the false god.”

“You cannot hurt me. I am immortal.”

“You are tiny.I can see the whole of time and space. Every single atom of your existence and I divide them.” 

Rose raises a hand and one dalek dissolves in a gold light. She lifts her arms up. The other daleks shortly follow suit.

“Everything must come to dust. All things, everything dies. The Time War ends.”

“I will not die. I cannot die!” Even that dalek is dead now. She destroyed them all. Rose lowers her arms. The room is empty except for them.

“Rose you’ve done it. Now stop. Just let go.”

“How can I let go of this?  I bring life.”

 “But this is wrong! You can’t control life and death!”

“But I can.” He isn’t sure what she means. But he ventures a guess.

“The sun and the moon, the day and night, but why do they hurt?” How much pain must she be in if she’s admitting it now? His strong Rose Tyler, being crippled by the enormous power she is forced to bear.

“The power’s gonna kill you and it’s my fault.” After the deaths of the Time Lords, he’s going to lose her too.  Jackie won’t see her daughter again. He’s going break that promise. Everything he touches he breaks. And Rose will break too, if she doesn’t listen to him.

“No,” she says, “I don’t blame you. This was my choice. I will always make this choice. Rose Tyler is the Bad Wolf.”

Rose looks at the Bad Wolf Corporation sign. Lifting her hand she says, “I take the words, I scatter them in time and space. A message to lead myself here. I will become Bad Wolf again.

“I can see everything. All that is, all that was, all that never could be.” She looks distraught. The Doctor wonders what she can see. What can never be?

To comfort her as much as he can, he grabs her hands gently. 

“My head is killing me!” The Doctor realizes what he can do now. If he can distract her and get close enough, he take pull the energy out of her. She’ll be okay. He knows what the consequence will be to himself but he can deal with that. He doesn’t mind sacrificing himself to save her.

The Doctor lays a hand to the side of her head.

He says, “I think you need a Doctor.” He runs his fingers through her hair gently, cupping the small braid and running his hand down that. He didn’t remember her having this style before. Holding the braid in place is a string with a charm on it. The charm says BAD WOLF.

Rose looks at him as if she wants to be saved. And he can do this. He leans in to kiss her, to take the energy back but she steps away.

“I will keep you safe,” she says as she walks backwards, “I will keep you safe forever, Doctor.”  She stops once she is inside the TARDIS.

“Don’t forget me.” Her voice breaks on the words.

“Rose no!” he screams and the TARDIS doors slam close, trapping Rose inside.

The Doctor rushes forward and throws the doors open again.

The inside of the TARDIS is empty.

“Rose!” he calls out.  He had expected to find her burnt out body inside the doorway but there’s nothing at all, no sign Rose ever walked inside.

“Doctor!” Jack calls from behind him. He can hear Jack clamber into the TARDIS and just stop dead.  He was right after all.

“What happened? Where’s Rose?”

At first the Doctor doesn’t say anything. They’re quiet for half a minute when he says slowly, “Rose is dead.”

“What?” Jack says, “How?” He pauses before adding, “What happened to the daleks?”

“Rose absorbed the Heart of the TARDIS. She destroyed them all.” That’s enough for Jack to understand. He looks depressed for a second before he has a huge realization.

“Doctor,” he says. Immediately, his face drops.

“What is it?” The Doctor says. Jack isn’t looking directly at him, more so over his shoulder.

The Doctor turns around but sees no one.  But he knows who it is.

Jack stares intently at the space at the space behind his head for another few seconds. He doesn’t address the Doctor’s question. Instead he says, “What can we do?” This is one of those times when his companion’s backpedaling annoys him but he just doesn’t have the time to care.

 “We’re gonna get Rose back,” he says.

“How?”

“I’m gonna open the Heart of the TARDIS.”

“What?” Jack stops dead, “Isn’t that what killed her?”

 “This is the way to get to her.”

Jack looks directly at him. “It will kill you.”

“It’s the only chance we’ve got to save her. How can I not take it?”

Jack is on the verge of protesting but he doesn’t say anything.

“How are we gonna do this?” he asks.

“The TARDIS will help,” the Doctor says. As soon as he finishes speaking, the Heart opens.  The Doctor is caught in the light and so is Jack.

Jack swears loudly. The Doctor can’t see anything. The light is far too powerful.

“Don’t try to save me,” he hears.

“Rose?”

“I made my choice. Thank you for letting me travel with you.” He can’t see her but he knows she’s smiling. After a pause, she adds, “Tell my mum I’m okay. She won’t understand now but she needs to know.”

“I will,” he promises.

“Thank you,” she says and the console closes, cutting them off from the Heart of the TARDIS. Jack collapses. The Doctor goes to him but ends up stumbling to the ground. Once he’s at Jack’s side, he knows that he’s already dead. In his attempt to save one companion he killed the other. The Doctor is dead too. He can feel the regeneration energy taking effect already. He’ll shed this body soon and take a new one.

“You were fantastic, Jack, Rose,” he says, “I’m sorry this is how it ends.”

He regenerates. His entire body is engulfed in the bright orange light of regeneration energy. He’s starting over. He gets yet another chance. A chance Rose doesn’t have anymore.

As soon as he finishes, Jack wakes up, inhaling sharply. The two exchange odds looks.  The Doctor knows he looks different but Jack just came back from the dead.

“You’re alive,” the Doctor says.

“You look different,” Jack replies.

“I regenerated. When I die, I change. New looks, new personality, still me.”

Jack scans him over and says, “It’s a good look for you, Doctor.”

The Doctor looks down sadly. “Thanks,” he says quickly then adds, “Jack, who is the woman in gold? Is it Rose?”

Jack looks petrified, unable to answer. He looks quickly to his right and says, “No.”

“Then who is she?”

“The woman in gold is the TARDIS.” It makes sense. He knows what the Heart of the TARDIS looks like. It makes sense that it would become a woman of gold. Maybe it could even take Rose’s form. But the Rose he knew, the real Rose, was dead.

The mystery of the woman in gold is solved but at the price of Rose Tyler.

***

Jack decides to stay in 200,100.  The world needs help to rebuild after the daleks. He never says that had anything to do with Rose’s death but the Doctor guesses that it’s at least part of the reason. He doesn’t blame. He can’t. He wishes him luck and instead goes to the twenty-first century. He owes something to a ghost.

***

Jackie Tyler is inconsolable. She just screams at the Doctor about how he’s broken his promise and that Rose is paying the price. She hits him too and he doesn’t fight back. The Doctor wouldn’t have bothered at all but Rose had asked him to so he did. Mickey ends up having to comfort her.

He deserves worse at Jackie’s hands for failing to save Rose. He doesn’t think the immense guilt of her death, added to all the guilt he carried before, is enough. But he doesn’t know what else to do. He leaves them behind and hopes he can forget.

***

Martha has a very similar reaction to Rose. The same amount of unspoken fear passes over her features before she calms herself down and denies her distress. The Doctor doesn’t see the point in pressing her for answers.

***

Martha doesn’t say anything about the woman in gold, not even around Jack. Maybe in private they do, but the Doctor is grateful not to hear.

***

He was so cruel to Martha. She deserves better than him. He’s sad to see her go but he can’t blame her when she does.

***

Donna mentions the woman in gold once. The Doctor doesn’t comment. She tries to explain herself further, requesting that he doesn’t ignore her.

“She’s no one,” he replies. Donna isn’t satisfied but he doesn’t say anything else about her.

***

When the Doctor elects to die in Wilf’s place, it’s as much for him as for a woman he shouldn’t have let go of.

***

The Doctor staggers back to the TARDIS, knowing full well his time is done. There’s nothing more he can do. He’s happy that his former companions are happy. It was nice to see them one last time.

Safely inside the TARDIS, he can see the regeneration energy pulsing under his skin. He doesn’t want to die! It’s not just about the pain, although there’s plenty of that. He’s so close to his limit. In this form, he’s only lived a few years. He could do so much more but he can’t. Not with the face he has. Someone else will live on but it isn’t going to be him.

Out loud, he says, “I don’t want to go.”

His hands are glowing orange. The energy is blurring his vision. Just before he starts the regeneration, he sees her.  Rose is standing in front of him, smiling at him. She raises her hand, as if she’s saying hi.

He regenerates. The energy is so powerful; it throws his arms out and forces his head back.  Every time he regenerates, it gets more painful and harder to do.

Once the regeneration is complete, the first word out of his mouth is, “Rose.” But she isn’t there. The TARDIS is on fire and he’s crashing.

He works as quickly as he can to prevent the TARDIS from crashing. He looks for Rose but he can’t see her. He doesn’t understand why he did at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried and I apologize. This chapter was a bitch to write and edit so I'm just gonna post it. Hope you enjoy it anyway. And if you have some constructive criticism, please leave a comment. I'd appreciate it. Thank you.


	5. The Woman in Gold

She’s seen a lot in the amount of time she’s been alive.  She watched him step on board for the first time, worry in his eyes and relief when he was far away.  She watched the companions come and go. She watched a few come aboard and fly to their deaths. She mourned for them as the Doctor had mourned.

She watched him die several times. She watched him die slowly from a sickness. She watched him die quickly, as she was attacked. She had seen him in safety and she had seen him in danger. She watched as the loving walls of the TARDIS hurt him enough to break him. She watched him shift in the glow of gold light. She watched him fall from grace. She watched him redeem himself. She watched him prove to no one who mattered that he was worthy of their respect. She watched him when he was injured and in pain. She watched time take him. And sometimes, he would return and she would see a new man. Those times scared her the most.

She has watched him for a long time. She knows the secrets of the universe more than he does.

She had been taken away from him. He had left her. Once. For an ugly, yellow car. She’d watched him fall in love. She watched his hearts break.  She watched him regenerate time after time. She’d seen him lonely, brave, weak, in pain, laughing, smiling, and once, dancing, with a woman who was almost a ghost to her. She watched the Doctor lie so often. Far too often. Especially to people who deserved the truth.

She’d watched the times change. She watched the trends on the people he met and she watched them disappear as they left. She watched people learn of fantastic new cultures and times. She watched them grow. And she watched everything change before her eyes.

With all that change, there were some things that remained constant. There were some things she would always count on to be the same. Some ways that her life, if she even had a life, was completely predictable.

The companions may have changed but parts of them didn’t. The Doctor always seemed to pick the same kind of person. They were brave. They were loyal. Adventurous, creative, caring, and willing to die for what they believed in. Willing to die for him. They were kind, beautiful souls and she loved every one of them. She missed them when they left.

The TARDIS was a constant. She was trapped aboard but she knew it didn’t change. Sometimes the Doctor would change the interior a bit, the color scheme, the controls, once he added an entire living area around the controls, but it was always the TARDIS. That didn’t change for her at all.

Her Doctor was not a constant. He changed so often. Sometimes he was serious, sometimes he was funny. He could be extremely handsome or charming. He was a flirt sometimes and sometimes celibate. His clothes changed. His hair changed. His face changed. He changed.

But she could rely on one thing being the same. She could count on his darkness. It was something he hid. Sometimes he let it show but mostly, he buried those dark feelings he had. His rage, his guilt, everything he had to carry with him. He sometimes hid his feelings, sometimes to the point where she could forgot he carried them, but she could count on the darkness. It was alive inside him and she would watch it surface from time to time.

But she was the biggest constant of all. She remained, faithfully, inside the TARDIS, doing what she could. She watched everything change but she stayed exactly the same. She saw the beginning and the end. She waited for her Doctor to return to her and he always did. She welcomed him back every time.

She stayed until her last day. Once the TARDIS died, she did too, long after the Doctor did. She was left to mourn alone. Someone had to stand at the Doctor’s grave and there was no one else but her to do so. Even after all those years, all those friends, all the companions, she was the biggest constant to him. And he didn’t even know she was there.

But it didn’t really matter what she did. She was still nothing more than a ghost. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to throw her arms around him. She wanted to kiss him and live with him and be his companion again. But she couldn’t. She didn’t have a choice.

And she did what she could. Sometimes she’d convince a companion to stay. Sometimes she’d force him to go place he hadn’t expected but needed to go to. She had her ways. She could do what was necessary. And he remained completely unaware. Living in a blissful ignorance.

She knew that Rose Tyler’s death did to him. That darkness came back much more frequently after her. She knew he was in pain. But she never tried to say anything. She never tried to tell him she was there.

The woman in gold thinks it’s better that the Doctor is burdened by a ghost than the knowledge that there’s a woman he can never save watching him for eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late. School has been a nightmare that is thankfully ending. So I'll be able to start posting some stories again. Hopefully, I'll get the next story up soon. Thank you for all the kind feedback.


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